I've been sorting out the details of my mind lately. There's a lot in there. A lot to take in, a lot to release, and a lot to still go through. I've worked really hard to simplify the physical things in my life. My house isn't crowded. I am still working on getting rid of the things I don't need. I enjoy that. I don't enjoy getting rid of the clutter in my mind. I'm a hoarder in that sense. I like my memories...good & bad. I cling to them at times and forget to live in the present. I'm working on enjoying the day to day. I'm working on letting go...especially letting go of people. I'm learning to say, "it's ok...they've moved on & i have too." That's hard for me.
Why so hard? Because I can't compact people or donate them when I'm done. People that matter in our lives always hang around in the small areas of our brain..whether we use the memories of them daily or not. At times, if I really think about it, there are some people who I don't want hanging around in the small areas. People who've said hurtful things, people who I've opened myself up to and in turn been hurt by. {I don't say this to claim that I've never been the hurtee....trust, I have.}
God is working on numerous things in my life. He's still teaching me to let go, to cherish what was and yet appreciate what's to come. He's still trying to teach me patience. He's meeting me in those small areas of my brain and easing the hurt in my heart that matches the person or the event that I'd like to donate. :) He's doing this slowly because I'm learning you can't rip hurt off like a band aide...it doesn't work that way. It's a process.
I recently found a song that I love. It's called 9 Crimes by Damien Rice...he's incredibly talented, but incredibly strange. Aren't we all?
This & other songs make the process seem a lil more understood by others. We all have junk to sort through. I suppose what separates our junk are the differing people/events and how we choose to handle them. I'm still choosing to handle them with Jesus.
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