I think I need to hide for a little while. Change is coming...it already has come. I don't know my role anymore, and I don't know that I much care about what my role is.
It's isolating sometimes to constantly be in thought about what comes next, who comes next, etc. The funny thing is...I don't like big picture stuff. I'm not a big picture kinda girl. I like the details in life. I like the details in events, the details in conversations, the details in this life. Lately, I don't see much of the details. I only see big picture. That scares the crap out of me.
Why hide? Well, because then big picture slowly fades. Nothing is expected.
I miss long conversations with close friends. I miss times when time didn't really exist. I miss those details. God is moving me out of one season, and into another.
I don't like it. The thing is is that I know if I stop fighting it then all will be well. He'll move me into another season with ease, and with only a grace that He can offer. He always has my best interest at heart. He protects, loves, and guides where others simply cannot. I still struggle with trusting in Him. I still struggle with the guilt that I have for not always trusting in Him.
I struggle with the idea that He is not only big picture but He is in "all the little details" as well.
This probably makes no sense. It's just where I am tonight.
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