The Waiting Room

We wait for a lot of things in this world. We wait in line. We wait for videos to download. We wait for an album to come out. We wait on the ones we love. We wait for planes to come. We wait for weddings, babies, and we even wait for death sometimes.

I've been thinking a lot about waiting lately. You see, I'm 28. I'm 28 and I'm still trying to figure out what it is that God wants me to do. I have desires planted in me that just seem to be waiting. The scariest thing, as a christian, is to balance my wants vs what God wants. God's wants should always top the scale, unfortunately most times they don't. I don't want anything in this world that falls out of God's will. I'm struggling with putting down my own agenda and picking up God's. So, I find myself in the "waiting room" a lot.

Perhaps, the waiting room is prevalent in my life right now for a number of reasons. I think the main reason being that my 89 year old grandmother has stage 4 cancer. Cancer. I hate cancer. I hate sitting and waiting for God to take her home.

It makes me think about my life quite a bit. What will my life say to others? Will others view me as someone who lived solely for God? Someone who was giving? Someone who made a difference? Someone who was selfless vs selfish? That's a lot of questions. A lot of questions that, thank God, don't have to be answered right now. Life, to me, is one big waiting room. The end result of course being Heaven...eternal happiness. Let me write that again, eternal happiness. I can't even fathom that.

I heard a quote tonight that made me think even more about "the waiting room." The quote was this, "There are so many people waiting for their first Sunday." That quote inspires me. Because even when I am not exactly sure of where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing...I've had my first Sunday. I've tasted: grace, mercy, love, forgiveness, sacrifice and community. I've tasted, felt, heard, and experienced these things and I'll continue to work as hard as I can so that the ones hurting, lost, and broken don't have to keep waiting for their Sunday. Maybe they won't come to my church, however, I can be a taste/example of what Jesus has to offer. We don't have to box Him into a Sunday morning service.

I love the God I serve...even when I'm not sure of how to serve Him. I am enough. God can use anyone, even the one who feels stuck in the waiting room. People like me.