Is this really the life I live?

For the past two months I have been really concerned about my finances. Since I've been out of work for the past two months with all of this back stuff, I had to apply for pay through our "sick leave bank." I filled out the forms, held my breath, and said a lot of prayers.

God has shown me a lot over these past few months. Each time I became panicked about bills, I just prayed and asked Him to take care of me. One night about a month ago I just talked to God, and said, "Please help me make ends meet. Let me trust in you." The next morning I went to church, and of course spent a huge amount of time talking in the hallway (I heart that.) When I walked up to the "eagle's nest" my best friend held out her hand. She said, "I was told to give this to you." I looked down. It was a $100 gift card to Food Lion. Donated anonymously. God and the person He used took care of my groceries for the next month.

Several weeks after that I still continued to pray that in my moments of panic-He would provide. A few days later-I got a card in the mail. My first grade team sent me a Food Lion gift card for $110. Wow. Again, my needs had been met.

Now, today a friend from school came to pick me up. She came in the door with her arms full. She had a huge bucket filled with my favorite drinks, candy, popcorn, and gift cards. She said, "These things are from a secret pal at PowES." I just sat in shock. Then she handed me a brown envelope and she said, "Here open this." In it was a card. I opened it up and it said, "Here's a little pick me up." A check for over $300 fell out. I am known as the "emotional Small Group wife." These past few months I have worn my title well. :) Really? People did this for me?

My friend handed me one last thing. It was a book that my students had made. This book was filled with their little handwriting, their pictures, and words of love written from their parents. Not only did God fill my financial need, but He also filled every other need that I had.

This is how blessed I am. I am humbled. There are no words to even describe how in awe I was/am. I am in awe of the God I serve, and I am in awe of the people He uses. Our entire country is in an economic crisis and people still pulled their resources together to help me. ME?! Really? Yes, really.

I'm not done...well, God wasn't done.

Want to know what else happened today? I got a letter from school. They are covering 30 days of my sick time-I'll be paid for thirty days. Amen. In these past two months I have learned that God is the ultimate provider. People wrote things to me that had to be from God. They were saying things that I had only shared in my quiet moments with Him. God used His people to calm my fears.

I made one promise to Him, and to myself. That I would not hold back on my tithe. No matter how hard it became financially I would not hold back my tithe. It's all His. It's important to me to tithe. Not only because it's what He calls Christians to do, but because I LOVE my church. I love everything about it: the staff, the people, the children, the sermons...e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Pastor Brian's words still echo in my mind, "Try and out give God. I dare you. He'll open the flood gates." Amen.

I sit here tonight, and I feel so unworthy of these blessings. Why me? Why did people sacrifice their money to help me? Why did people take the time to prepare goodies for me? Why did people take the time to keep filling my email box, and my mailbox with cards? Why me?

Why? God has been hearing me all this time. Why did I ever doubt, worry, or spend one night in fear? I am so thankful. Words cannot do justice for the way my heart feels tonight or for the way that my heart has felt through this whole healing process. This should've been the hardest two months. Instead it has been the best. I have had time to really talk to God. I have had time to spend with my mom. I have had time to reconnect with people. I have had time to thank God for the people He has placed in my life. I have had time to worship.

If you are one of the ones sending cards, emails, donations, or praying for me. Thank you. It is all felt, and it is more appreciated than words could ever explain. Thank you.


Is this really the life I live? Wow.

I love this quote: "Dear God, for all that was thanks. For all that is to come, YES!" Beth sent me that almost a year ago. How sweet it is.